I thank all of you for your time spent reading my question and I would also like to thank those who responded to my first question. I should have added that I, myself, am not well endowed and am somewhat of a quick shooter. I kind of have these two issues lingering in the back of my mind. I think it might be rather selfish on my part to have to put a future wife through these issues on the wedding night. After spending so much of her time and making plans for the future, she might regret her choice of a mate. It%26#039;s kind of like telling someone %26quot;surprise,%26quot; but the surprise is not a good one. It might be like winning the lottery in the short story %26quot;The Lottery%26quot; by Shirley Jackson (in this story the winner of the yearly lottery gets stoned to death). Even though sex might not be the biggest part of the marriage, having only bad sex for potentially the end of one%26#039;s life may be too much for some and can probably lead to the end of the marriage. Would my particular situation change your responses in any way? I really should have mentioned this earlier. Thanks again.
Should premarital sex be morally right (revised question)?
Well you%26#039;re assuming that premarital sex IS immoral which is a matter of opinion.
Your question is a good one, and rather interesting. There are a few issues which I%26#039;ll discuss in turn. Oh, and I%26#039;m an atheist by the way.
The key to any relationship is communication. You have to be able to communicate your desires openly in any relationship, especially if it leads to marriage. I would hope that you would have the kind of relationship with your future wife that you could be able to communicate your fears and work on a suitable solution.
My idea of marriage is that it is two people coming together, committing themselves to each other. That kind of commitment can only be made with maturity. You should strive to be the best version of you that you could possibly be before entering into marriage and you should continue to try and improve yourself even as you are married. Your future wife will have to be someone who can inspire you to improve yourself even more and who you can inspire to improve herself too. You can grow together as individuals and as a couple. You really have to know your partner before committing to them but you also have to know yourself. Part of who you are is your sexuality. You should be sexually mature as you should be emotionally and intellectually mature. That doesn%26#039;t necessarily have to mean you need to have sexual experience, though it may not hurt. You do, however, have to be open to your sexuality and be able to communicate issues related to your sexuality with your partner.
Part of sexual maturity also means that you have no sexual hangups. You need to know your body and you need to know your partner%26#039;s body. You can%26#039;t be afraid of your sexuality or your partner%26#039;s. If this is something that you and your girlfriend/fiancee/wife are only willing to explore only after marriage, there isn%26#039;t a problem with that, certainly. Nor do I see a problem with exploring these issues before marriage as long as you and your partner are on the same page. Whenever you and your partner do decide to explore that part of your relationship, you need to explore it fully. A healthy sex life can be incredibly important to a relationship. As well as being incredibly fun, it can help you express your intimacies and open up to each other as you begin to learn the nuances of each other%26#039;s bodies. But again, this is only possible with maturity.
Should premarital sex be morally right (revised question)?
Well, its not premarital if you don%26#039;t get married.
I didn%26#039;t read anything past the bold stuff.
I think it should be mandatory.
added: I like the dude%26#039;s answer above me.
tooo many words.. my head hurts ;)
yes to premarital sex ;)
I see nothing wrong with premarital sex if (a) it is clearly consensual and between adults (b) there is no chance of pregnancy or STDs, and (c) it is mutually enjoyable.
Catholics engage in premarital sex as much as any other Americans. Perhaps they just feel guiltier afterward, which is a shame.
no
GOD says no sex before marriage
why do you have to ask? Make up your own mind!!~~!!
I already think that suppressing consensual sexual urges is bad for people. So, premarital sex is the least of my, and billions of other peoples worries.
So, I doubt you%26#039;ll be able to change the RCC%26#039;s mind about it, but, you don%26#039;t have to follow them.
If premarital sex being immoral were man%26#039;s rules, then it would be negotiable. However, it is God%26#039;s rule and therefore none-negotiable.
Fornication is what it is; sex outside marriage. There is a moral standard, take it away and you are left with teh same %26quot;standard%26quot; some atheists use - public perception and cultural acceptance. However, there are numerous instances in teh scriptures where the entire nation of Israel and Judah turned from God%26#039;s ways, but that did not change God%26#039;s mind. Sin is sin; God defines what is sin, not man. It does not matter what the Church says; if it contradicts God, then the Church is wrong.
didn%26#039;t read this...give me two pts!
Having sex without responsibility doesn%26#039;t reveal anything about sexual %26quot;compatibility%26quot;. Working together to build compatibility in a committed relationship is what makes for a great sex life. Besides, it is a known fact that couples who have sexual relations before marriage have a significantly higher rate of divorce. In any case, this is not a %26quot;rule%26quot; that can be changed. It is basic morality revealed by God, that can never be changed. there is no possible way to make something morally wrong become morally right.
I see your point. But I am a christian and I believe that it should wait for marriage. It is something that should be special not shared with everyone that dates. Sex is not what makes a person love their mate. And for a woman it won%26#039;t matter as much as it does to a man.
GOod Luck.
I hardly believe in anything past the tip of my fingers, and I think that this question has a lot of weight to it. Morals are depending on each and every person. You can%26#039;t say %26quot;This is morally right, and this isn%26#039;t%26quot; when everyones morals are different.
I, for one, think that if you feel like it%26#039;s a good thing and you want to go through with it, go with your gut instinct.
As for bad sex, you tend to learn what your partner likes in each area of having sex.
Being well endowed or a quick shooter have nothing to do with having good/bad sex, really. I wouldn%26#039;t worry about it. If she marries you, then I am sure it%26#039;s not for the size or staminia you have/don%26#039;t have.
If you are a quick shooter, it sounds as though you have already engaged in pre-marital sex. If you read your bible it will tell you all you need to know about men and woman and the bedroom. Does no one have any shame anymore?? Why would you even bring that up on yahoo answers for goodness sakes?? and btw, there is ALOT more to marriage than sex. If that is enough to make someone unhappy for the rest of their lives then omg, they are not right for you anyway!!!!
Sorry to be so blunt but you did ask the question.
No. I think God got it right the first time. premarital sex ruins any relationship. I understand that different people have different problems, but that is why we have the gift of %26quot;communication%26quot;. Thanks for asking, have a nice day!
I think everybody should do what they feel is right for themselves.
If people want to have sex before marriage, that%26#039;s fine.
If they don%26#039;t want to have sex before marriage, then that is totally fine too.
I must admit that personally I would never wait until after marriage, though. Also, I don%26#039;t think it is necessarily a smart thing do! What if you%26#039;re not compatible in bed at all? What if the sex is REALLY lousy? Why would anyone want to risk that without testing things out at first?
In addition to that, most humans are sexual beings. It%26#039;s an important part of our natural impulses, and should be respected as such. Sexual intercourse does not hurt anyone in any way, if it is mutually consentual. In fact, it is a very pleasurable sensation indeed!!
Therefore, why should people keep themselves from doing it? It%26#039;s nonsensical, if you ask me. Sexuality should not be restricted, but expressed freely between couples who are in love. Live, f*ck and be happy!! What people choose to do with their own bodies is THEIR business and nobody else%26#039;s.
Its a SIN
No matter what anyone says
God says it is .
And if your basing a marriage around sex, its never gonna last anyway!!
Marriage should be about Love and committment , Sex is one of the last things that makes a marriage
If its high on the list then it means your are marrying for Lust and indeed not Love at all .
I knew a couple who was married for almost 60 years and never One time had sex. The lady died a virgin. Her family and friends and doctors tried to get her to divorce she never would. Her husband was injured in WW2 and they would married just as he was shipped out and they never consumated the marriage . But she loved him enough to live all those years with him without sex. . And he even was willing to divorce her and have it annulled , but she said no. They were the happiest couple i ever saw. They were like to young people all the time , laughing and enjoying each others company. She passed away and he did right after her. NOW that is indeed True Love one for another no matter what !!!
pre matterial sex what are u saying its greatest sin if u read torah or old testament u find to stoned but jews are the group nof people who understand that their own will is God(nauzubillah) in Quran if a man and woman are not married they faced 80lashed if they are married they will be stoned and u want to permission by socity yes satan%26#039; socity accept this
If you chose to have pre-marital sex that is on you and your decision.
(which i consider completely valid and within your right to do so)
I can say that there isn%26#039;t anyway to make it right in the eyes of the church. They look at that reasoning of yours as %26quot;leaning to your your understanding%26quot; or even %26quot;false witnessing%26quot;. The fact of the matter is this, you do not HAVE to follow any morals you do not want to. If you chose to have sex and do so with the full knowledge that your religion and church doctrine are strongly against it, then you are taking that responsibility on yourself. If your going to do it, then just do it and don%26#039;t try to %26quot;make it feel better%26quot; by fixing it in your head t o belive that making sure you are sexually compatible takes away from the fact that you are (what your religion calls) sinning.
Marriage is the union of male and female in God through sexual energy, not a piece of paper, a ceremony in a Church or something that commences after a Priests blessing.
Roman Catholics have been making up their own minds about issues such as birth control and premarital sex for decades, if not for centuries. No need for you to feel any different. I have read discussion of this by RC priest, Andrew Greeley, who, aside from being a good writer, also happens to be an excellent social scientist. He did a series of surveys to determine what the average RC member is thinking and doing, and his findings were that Catholics generally tend never to leave their church, but they keep their own counsel so far as birth control and premarital sex are concerned.
A writer long ago expressed a similar concern to yours, writing to the Playboy Advisor. The response was that it%26#039;s not the size of the wand, but the skill of the performer that gets the rabbit to appear out of the hat.
I am also reminded of a man who went into a bar and saw, to his amazement that there was a small older man sitting at one of the tables where three very pretty girls were obviously vying for his attention.
The man asked the bartender what was so special about this little old man that made the girls fall for him.
%26quot;I dunno,%26quot; said the bartender. %26quot;There%26#039;s nothing unusual about him. All he does is sit there licking his eyebrows.%26quot;
Statistics have shown that couples who cohabitate before marriage are more likely to get a divorce so I don鈥檛 think premarital sex is a good way of lowering divorce rates.
My philosophy re: this question is very similar to yours, only I%26#039;m an atheist. You should be commended for thinking for yourself on such issues instead of mindlessly following the religious herd.
Regarding the second paragraph of your question, you shouldn%26#039;t be so hard on yourself. Contrary to popular misconception, size makes very little difference as far as pleasuring is concerned (source - my doctor, and %26quot;Talk Sex%26quot; with Sue Johanson). In fact %26quot;well-endowed%26quot; can often mean uncomfortable for many women. Also the %26quot;quick shooter%26quot; syndrome you speak of is not a big deal either as you could easily make up for it by manually or orally stimulating your partner to climax.
Anyway, just my 2 cents. But seriously by making sex exclusive to being legally married kind of cheapens the definition of marriage, making it more about sex than it needs to be. Horny, religious people will often race into a marriage prematurely just so that they can avoid premarital sex. Sad but true. Granted I still think that monogamy is the goal, hence sex should be reserved for true lasting love or engagement.
Yes I do. The Church would rather have it buyer be ware. Sex can be a crucial deal in some relationships. You need to be some what on the same level. If she is the type of person that needs it 3 times a day and you are only good for once a week, that will lead to problems. But if both of your sex drives are near equal and she loves you, you can get past that. I am
guessing you have had limited to no sexual experience. The more you do the better you get. You start to learn each others body and learn what she likes and doesnt like.You learn to control yourself and go longer. My first time was horrible. It was over before I got it in the right spot. But i got better, much better. If she is a virgin she also or has limited experience she wont have a frame of reference to know how bad you are or how small you are. Some women really feel that size doesn%26#039;t matter. I had a friend who was madly in love with a buddy of mine that I played football with. She says he was the best she ever had. I have seen in the locker room and it was nothing impressive at all. But she loved him and he worked hard with what he had and to her that was the best.
If you are really concerned, tell your girlfriend how you feel and gage her reaction. I bet she takes it well.
They say its not the size of the boat but the motion in the ocean. Practice makes perfect.
I think that is a rule they should get rid of. Most people violate that anyway. I do not a single person that was a virgin and married a virgin. It had its value many years ago before birth control, condoms and DNA testing.
Good Luck!
I would never vow to spend the rest of my life in a serious, monogomous relationship with someone if I don%26#039;t know if we are sexually compatible. I know quite a few people who are in sexless mariages because they didn%26#039;t find out what the other person was into until it was too late. They are very miserable.
And, if you get married as a virgin you don%26#039;t even know what you like for yourself!
Only society norms and human morals govern these acts. To be considered normal or human, one must abide. For men, it%26#039;s the healthy exercise but for women - from unused, to slightly used, and later overused. Norms are made to limit the practice but don%26#039;t prohibit them. Its the society%26#039;s trend as the %26quot;flow of the river%26quot;, its hard to swim upstream.
If you%26#039;re a quick shooter, I%26#039;d think that you would be pro-%26quot;only sex after marriage%26quot;, rather than against it...!
Besides, if you%26#039;re in a marriage, the exploration of sexual gratification and building up some resistance to shooting fast, has a better chance to grow within the security of the covanental sacredness of marriage.
I have found that the sex has gotten better as our marriage relationship has gotten better (married 5+ years). So, for me, my definition of sex may be different from yours:
I can infer that your definition of sex goes along the lines of: %26quot;good initial sex indicates the quality of a marriage%26quot;
But, I disagree with that statement. My definition of sex is: %26quot;the quality of the marriage has a direct impact on the quality of the sex%26quot;.
So are you saying that high divorce rates are due to crappy sex?
Are you saying that we should become engaged with someone, have sex, and if it%26#039;s bad then we split? Then get a girlfriend or boyfriend, shag them and then split. Then go on to the next and then the next and so on....
You claim to be a Roman Catholic. how serious are you about your religion? Do you go to mass every sunday? if so, how into it are you? Do you go to weekday masses? What does the Eucharist mean to you? How serious are you about the teachings of Christ? How often do you read the Bible? How serious are you about praying? Do you consider yourself to be a true disciple of Christ and follow his lead with all of your soul?
Or do you just wear the title of Roman Catholic as a badge?
If you%26#039;re serious about your faith are you willing to toss out it%26#039;s teachings on account that you are scared that you might find yourself to be %26quot;small%26quot; on your honeymoon?
Pre marital sex is a sin and that won%26#039;t change because you decide to sweep it under the rug.
