I want to know how you like this written down. If you'd like to suggest a change, I need the syllable count on each line to remain as they are, though the word choice can change. I know the word choice is weak in spots, so I want changes.
If you have a suggestion for a change, state where the change is- I've had people make that mistake many times before.
**Defuse Life the Bomb**
Nothing here looks real to me.
I cannot feel; I cannot see.
Trapped in lucid dreaming in
Eternal dreamland鈥檚 nightmare.
As this life that I pursue,
It can鈥檛 exist; it is not true,
I find myself an inch away.
But Hev鈥檔 and Hell are identical.
Please, oh, please God- Defuse this bomb.
End this demonic creation.
Forget the Covenants you gave.
Defuse Life the Bomb.
Into the mist that forsakes me.
Invisible, I drown at sea.
Open ocean infinity;
The Cay no one鈥檚 charted.
This virus- it feasts this corpse.
My mind, my thoughts, they all enforce
That my life has lost meaning.
That God鈥檚 presence lies.
Please, oh, please God- Defuse this bomb.
End this demonic creation.
Forget the Covenants you gave.
Defuse Life the Bomb.
Forget the Covenants you gave.
Forget the Covenants you gave.
End you creation-
Defuse Life the Bomb.
In case you are wondering, the music I developed for this is metal. No, not the stereotypical %26quot;scream-metal%26quot;, its Experimental Orchestral Metal. Much like Castlevania.
How do you like these lyrics and what criticism do you have for them?
Rich in pathos and quite sad, I wonder if people would want to dance to it.
How do you like these lyrics and what criticism do you have for them?
Sounds Industrial Metal to me. :P I like it. good job!
Can you check mines? :D
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
