Chapter 1
There are many things in one’s life they would like to change. So my philosophy is: Why wouldn’t you change it if you could? Life at sixteen can be difficult. You have peer pressure, you know, drugs, alcohol, sex, the usual and there are the “special” ones who have to deal with parental divorces and, of course, death. Then there are the cliques: jocks, cheerleaders, nerds, outcasts, band geeks, and the populars, who claim they have nothing to do with the cheerleaders. I don’t fit into any of these though. I had never been pretty. I was always ordinary. I tried cutting my auburn hair to my current shoulder length style to gain attention, but it didn’t seem to impress people. Nothing I did impressed them.
Since I’d never had a boyfriend, I assumed that the guys in this town didn’t like me because of my look. According to my friend Sean, they’ve just known me too long. They see me as a sister or friend and nothing more. In a small town like Spencer, everyone knew each other. There was only one Elementary school, one junior high, and one high school all conviently located on the same street. Everyone notices if someone new shows up.
Today’s a day like every other day in Spencer. Overcast. The only thing you could count on in Spencer was the weather. No need for a meteorologist. It’s always overcast. No break in the system.
“I can’t believe your parents won’t fix your truck.” I said to break the silence on the long walk to school. My closest friend, Alice, was glancing around as if she had never seen the town before. Her normally wavy red hair was tamed and pulled back with only her straightened bangs hanging slightly to one side. She looked over at me with an expression I didn’t understand.
“I can’t believe that your parents won’t buy you a car,” she joked.
“You know I won’t let them do that.” I shot back defensively
“Whatever.” She rolled her perfect brown eyes. “This isn’t that bad anyways. Brings back childhood memories.” I thought about that for a moment. I had known Alice for as long as I could remember. We had been through a lot together, some good things and bad.
“Yeah,” I agreed, “the sucky ones.” I laughed reminiscing. “Remember that time when Jake hid in his fort and threw water balloons at us and we had to go to school soaking wet?” I stepped into the street when I saw Jake’s bright, red, brick house coming up. Alice followed. It was a forcive habit now.
“Yeah,” she let her voice fade, “Or more recently, the water guns.” She seemed upset and fell quiet for a while. Possibly lost in her memories? She smiled every so often. I let my mind wander. Frequently questions would arise in my head. Did I do all my homework? Yes. Does Sean still like me? Most likely. He always does that weird thing with his eyebrows. I was startled suddenly because of a frantic Alice now in front of me. “Did you do your Biology homework?” she asked. I looked at her dumbfound, then laughed. That is what she was freaking out about?
“Don’t I always?”I laughed again. “Of course you can borrow it. Just don’t copy it. Paraphrase.” I rolled my eyes and kept walking on. “It’s the second semester. You should be doing your own work or you’ll fail the AP test.”
“I don’t see why they give us homework. It’s like their own method of legal torture. No one does it anyway.” She glanced at the ground. “No one except you.” She looked back at me. “NERD!” she laughed at my consistent glaring. “I was only joking. Gosh Maddie. Get a little defensive don’t we? Chill out!”She exclaimed in mock excitement. “It’s our senior year! We’re no longer underclassmen! This changes everything! It’s going to be great!” She threw he hands in the air with all the sarcasm that she could. I couldn’t help but laugh. She always knew how to cheer me up.
Just then, the most amazing car drove past us. It was as if the world slowed down just so I could get a glimpse of it. Everything about it was perfect. The sleek style, the speed, the oddly tinted windows…I felt rapid tapping on my shoulder, but I ignored the annoyance until the car had rounded the corner a block away. I shook my head to clear it and to try to believe what I just saw. Abruptly, Alice’s hand was waving in my face.
“Maddie? Hello? Earth to Maddie.” I heard Alice yelling when I regained my senses. I caught her hand. “Thank God! I thought I had lost you.”
“No. Even worse,” I said low, inaudible to her, “I’m still here.”
“What?” Alice asked concerned. She glanced down at her watch. “We have got to go. Now!” she yelled and took off running. I followed.
We arrived at school about five minutes later, out of breath. She ran up the steps. I sat down for a few minutes, catching my breath. I stared out into the parking lot. I recognized everyone’s car. Sean’s ugly red Honda Civic, Zoey’s pink Volkswagen Beetle, Zak’s green Mazda 6. All pretty much junky compared to the black car in the corner of the lot. I turned around and walked up the rest of the steps and through the bright
Read and see if you like it. It's not the angel story sorry guys. This is only about 1/2 of chapter 1.?
Yup, just another Twilight clone. There's nothing wrong with writing Twilight fanfic, but you may as well admit that's what you are doing and share it with your fellow fans on a fanfic site.
More seriously, you are a character for whom staying out of the limelight is all-important - being discovered could literally be fatal, for you and all your friends and family. Are you _really_ going to drive a car so amazingly head-turning that everyone stops and stares? Or, just maybe, might you want to appear ordinary and not attract attention? You need to think of the consequences which your characters' actions would have for them - and apply them. Yes, I know Stephenie Meyer didn't. Why do you think her work is laughed at by everyone with half a brain over the age of 12?
Read and see if you like it. It's not the angel story sorry guys. This is only about 1/2 of chapter 1.?
I'm sorry I can't get past the first paragraph with out thinking 'God this is boring! Life is boring a new kid is going to show up and change the course of this chicks life. ok I'm done.' Sorry I just can't do it. It may turn out to be good but I see me slamming my head on the desk from falling asleep.
tttwwwiiillliiiigggghhhhhttttt
and even if its not about the person in the car falling in love with the maddie chick, it sounds so much the same as twilight.
small town
overcast weather
pretty much a loser
shitty cars except for the new people
tinted windows
attreacted to the new people even if its only their car
are you re writing twilight?
even if no story is %26quot;unique%26quot; this is pretty much exactly the same. as i was reading it i just kept thinking 'twilight' 'twilight' 'twilight' over and over. your story is pretty much the same except with different names. SO FAR. it could be totally different but its off putting for readers i would say.
Firstly Ive got a brand new honda civic they're not ugly!!! LOL!
I can understand how people have said TWILIGHT! Although it annoys me as when your a fantasy fan like I am how can you get past without people comparing you to something be it.........
Harry Potter
Twilight
Sabrina the teenage witch
The Worst Witch
Hocus Pocus
Vampire Diaries ETC ETC ETC
If it is going to be a a love but fantasy story like twilight that's fine but why not make it so that its a massive place where you live etc that way he will like you even more as you stand out from the crowd, personally I wouldn't include vampires but its up to you or you could but don't have the girl maddie going out with a vamp, etc. I don't really know what plots etc to suggest but you know what I mean. Maybe the two girls love the same bloke so she can never be with him as the friend is like a sister to her or is her secret sister and doesn't find out until something bad happens etc etc
I think that your writing etc is good though
Keep Going!
Sorry, I really couldn't get past the beginning. It seems extremely cliche and has been done over a thousand times. Try to start it off another way other than the main character acknowledging all the cliques, stereotypes, and regular cliche teen stuff, then saying how she's different and can't fit in to any of those (come on, be honest, how many times have you heard that before?). Switch it up a little and break from the norm and expected.
