I tried some a bit wordplay-ish. With a five bar chorus at the end, so I can think about adding another 16. Criticize, etc...
At age 14 I was surprised I made it, face stayed blatant
I wasn’t loved, I wasn’t hated, but I take name saying
As a sort of skeleton in my closet I’ll soon be facing
Or will my face be in the city the tycoon laid waste in
Never paid much mind, only about a nickel and dime
Meet a girl with no heart, so she fiddled with mine
I said “girl that’s an instrument no one’s mastered”
But you changed it’s tempo, I said “slow down”...“faster”
You screamed while I couldn’t write a single note it played
Now if it knew the evil known today, it wouldn’t be feeble cold and gray
Like those people shown the plague, in Great Britain
Life’s a stage and I’m one of the worst plays written
At 15 I was seduced, I was reduced to little or nothing
I left with no trace, no note to fiddle with or blood stains
Turned into what I hate, horrible friend, horrible man
Now trying to change, no food for thought my moral’s are full man
As kids we use to think love was child’s play and such
When I was young we tried very hard to stay in touch
Now I just wish her touch would’ve stayed
I have much I could say, and lust I should hate
But I still fall for it anyway... I’ll call it forfeit any day
Rate/Hate the verse...?
%26quot;Like those people shown the plague, in Great Britain, Life’s a stage and I’m one of the worst plays written%26quot; %26quot;Never paid much mind, only about a nickel and dime, Meet a girl with no heart, so she fiddled with mine%26quot;
You officially have quotables now, **** The Source this should be in the Library of Congress....Morbo for president..lol but seriously though, this is the best I can remember reading from you and as long as we been on here, I've read alot...
Rate/Hate the verse...?
That is a great verse, good word play.
%26quot;Like those people shown the plague, in Great Britain
Life’s a stage and I’m one of the worst plays written%26quot;
Dope line right there.
9/10
i love how the first verse spills out your pain, but in the second you try to show your tenderness for that woman... i can do something similiar, but with no such luck as yours lol
i love it, and dont listen to haters 10/10
In the words of Will Smith.....
This is how you write. FROM NOW ON THIS IS HOW YOU WRITE!
9.5 out of 10. I think this is one of the best verses I've seen from you in awhile.
Nice
take care
dave
I can relate to this.
%26quot;Never paid much mind, only about a nickel and dime,
Meet a girl with no heart, so she fiddled with mine.%26quot;
Fantastic..
11/10.
