A Sacrifice
His eyes were once blue
Like the color of the sea
He made a gleam
A twinkle in one’s heart
But as time went by
He changed you see
He was no longer a friend
But an enemy
The hatred that filled within his eyes
Reddish flame and dark blue
Combined together he became
Someone that was a whole new person
Tears run down my cheek
For that sadness that made our friendship weak
Praying and trying to make things better
But nothing worked
Then one day
On all hollows eve
The Satin came
To take my enemy
The Devil sucked his soul right out
And I just could not bear to see
I told the evil spirit to take me instead
It was just impossible to sacrifice my ally
Not after what we have all been through
The times we shared
And the times we have spent
In my heart I did not want him or I to go
But my mind told me to just depart
I called to him
My friend who I held so dear
“Please forgive me!”
I hope this path I take will clear
The problems we have made through these years
And the memories we embellished
Will be saved in his head
As I walk the path to the living and to the dead
Hello. I just wrote a poem. Hope you like it!?
i love it so much you have talent
Hello. I just wrote a poem. Hope you like it!?
Deep and descriptive.
You know, that's not too bad..it would make a good song.
very good iam going to copy it later if i dont loose it on here i realy like it
i like it
wow. that was really interesting! it kind of creeped me out when you started talking about the devil, though.
I LOVE IT! good job!!!
good stuff. I feel your pain, but be grateful you were able to share the good times. anything negative can turn into a positive with gratitude.
thats very good u should submit it to poetry.com they copyright it and send u some important info through the mail pls try it u will be glad u did they publish it also
Love is not sacrifice!
Death is easy for anyone, but living with pain(lost love) is hard.
Your poem shows that you are lost with emotions...get some fresh air!
Take care
-:)
Right nice sweetie.
wow, good
sad and powerful, but not depressing. great poem.
You've got good points and a good story but poor structure.
Your verse is fine, but you need to choose: will I rhyme or not?
For example:
But as time went by
He changed you see
He was no longer a friend
But an enemy
Those are both forced and sound juvenile, like they were thrown together for the sake of the rhyme. Put words together for the words.
Or you can go the other path and rhyme everything. In that case, though, you probably want a sturcture of syllables.
I say make it free verse, no rhyme. I like you're couplets and your ending, that's strong. Change %26quot;The problems we have made through the years%26quot;, though- that's out of place.
Good work!
you are very talented. deep and dark. i liked it tho.
