I%26#039;m only 15, so sorry if this isn%26#039;t a work of genius. I%26#039;m interested to know what other people think of my writing - and most importantly, do you think it%26#039;s any good? Thank you so much.
Whenever I look at the moon I wonder how many other people around the world are looking at it at the same moment as I. A tired farmer in the mid-west could be rounding up the last of his cattle underneath it鈥檚 glowing guidance, a young child could be looking up and wondering why it seemed to follow her wherever she goes, even the president could be watching the moon from a balcony in the White House right at the very moment I was. Just a strip of silver so bright in the gradual twilight seems so knowledgeable in comparison to any piece of written text on the mortal earth. She has been watching us changing and growing since the dawn of civilisation, she knows everything we have done, every mistake and wrong turning, every life changing decision we make. It is the same moon that Shakespeare gazed upon, the moon that guided Columbus across the waters, the last thing many dying soldiers see as they collapse on the battlefield to die. It was the moon I was looking at now from my little window in my little town in this little country in this remarkably little earth. And who knows, maybe somebody at another window was looking at that very moon and thinking the same thoughts right now.
It was evening and the very last glowing fragments of day were lingering on the far horizon, moments away from leaving Elizabeth, New Jersey in darkness until morning. The silhouettes of the houses on the other side of the street were outlined against the darkening sky like charcoal on pastel crayon. Down below my window, a street light flickered on casting a reddy-orange haze onto the dusty sidewalk. I breathed in the musky smell of late summer and rested my chin in my hand, sighing. It was simply impossible to enjoy summer when one鈥檚 mind is so cluttered with things that one knows shouldn鈥檛 matter. I was spending far too much asking myself the same question 鈥?was I lonely or not? And more importantly 鈥?where was I heading and what was the point?
When there was no trace of sunlight left in the sky I was forced to return to the indoor world of artificial light and play computer games on my lap top for only one real reason; it was summer so I didn鈥檛 have the usual heap of assignments to complete. Often I found it was easier to rot my brain away on things that didn鈥檛 matter rather than actually do anything productive like reading or writing. And computer games distracted me from any pressing matters I had to mull over in my mind. But I was irritatingly distracted from my distraction when a very unusual thing happened 鈥?my father knocked on my door.|||I am not certain whether your paragraphs are three parts of what is meant to be a whole or not. In the first paragraph, you dwell upon the moon as if you (yourself, the narrator, or the protagonist of the story) are watching it in the present time. Your use of personification in relation to the moon is interesting. In the second paragraph, then, it is dusk, sunset, or twilight -- no sign of the moon; thus, what is the connection? The third paragraph seems to be an extension of the second, since you move into the house; then the story appears to begin. Since you are writing in the first person and are a teenager as is your protagonist, your writing, although not mature, is fine for someone your age. You have made some errors; for instance, where you have written reddy, I think that you mean ruddy. There is also repetition, too, in your use of the word distraction in its several forms in a single sentence. Try employing a thesaurus when you write in order to avoid being repetitious. What you%26#039;ve posted is fine for your age; I don%26#039;t know what your aspirations are for your writing. If you hope eventually to write for publication, you need to practice, to learn the craft, and to become more polished in your writing. If you have plans now, though, for a complete story, definitely continue with it; see how it goes. At this point in your life, I think that it is more important for you to finish what you begin than for you to aim for perfection. It is too early in the story for me to know whether you are planning something which will be intriguing and appealing. You might want to post more as you progress with your writing -- for further critique. In the meantime, good luck in your endeavor.|||It sounds like you%26#039;re tring to hard. Use some simpler words. you don%26#039;t need to make, like, complex words from the theasures all the time. It%26#039;s a bit over-done.|||The best advice I can give is to write off the top of your head. Never use any reference books or websites, especially thesauri.|||Very good but don%26#039;t overdo it. Be yourself.
